Anyone who has ever experienced peer pressure, usually at school, will probably know what it's like to not feel accepted. Unfortunately this feeling can follow you through to adulthood. The problem isn't with you or how you are as a person, it's because you've let yourself be defined by how other people treat you. I personally struggled with feeling accepted throughout school. Girls are the worst, they can decide to not like you for absolutely no reason. I constantly felt bad about myself because I wasn't getting invited to the parties my friends were going to and sometimes even my own friends would leave me out, like I had become an unpopular choice for absolutely no reason. Maintaining friendships through school was hell, absolute hell but it also taught me so much.
There comes a point, after about the 10th party or friend group gathering you're not invited to where you have to think - I don't care. It's emotionally exhausting to constantly fight for a friendship, to constantly act how you think they want you to act - Super friendly even when they've offended you, always starting the conversation first, inviting them out to places with you (which they're often too busy to go to anyway). You have to realise that these people are not your friends if they're making you feel rejected and left out. After years of desperately trying to fit in I thought 'OK, I can either carry on and feel heartbroken every time i'm left out of another gathering or party, or I can stop trying and see things for how they are.' The moment I stopped trying to fit in, stopped texting them first, stopped inviting them to hang out with me I felt free. There was a point where I felt lonely and friendless, but I met new people who were on my wavelength, who taught me what a friendship should feel like - it shouldn't be hard work!
So when I now encounter people with the same attitude as the mean girls at school, I put on my emotional coats of armour. I'm polite, I'm friendly but I don't force a friendship. My friends are on my wave length, my friends message me first as much as I message them, my friends suggest meeting up instead of me always asking. That's what a healthy friendship is. Unfortunately I still see people trapped in this vicious cycle of needing to be accepted by toxic people. It's so not worth it! You are a lovable person, and you do not deserve to feel rejected. Focus on the people who make you feel good about yourself, who remind you of all your good traits and leave the others behind. Be mature, be friendly, be polite, but keep those toxic 'friends' at arms length. For the sake of your own happiness.
I found the following article very empowering, so if you are struggling with a toxic friendship take a read of this: The Huffington Post
Also check out my YouTube video where I talk about my struggles during school which lasted from about age 13- 18!
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