My Valentine, My love

We have a love that has survived times as uncertain as an erratic ocean, stirring just a moment after enjoying a calm horizon. True love often has two sides, a side which makes you feel desperately vulnerable and a side which makes you feel the safest you have ever felt, giving you a sense of belonging.

He came in to my life at a time where I felt lost. I have always been the kind of person who needs another half. Friends always seemed to be at arms length, but a partner was a different connection that I craved. It always amazed me how somebody could go from being a complete stranger to becoming the closest person in your life. 

I remember he was the first man to make me feel wondrous. He admirably doted on me, a complete stranger, because he wanted to impress me, he wanted to know me - Really know me. Certain aspects of my character I always felt I needed to hide,  he worshipped like they were a rare quality which made me beautiful. When I was with him I felt confident which was a feeling I had rarely felt throughout my life. He made me realise that the right people build you up and add to your strengths rather than make you feel inadequate. Until this point I had always striven to be the perfect person, I had always questioned what I needed to change about myself to feel accepted by society, but he made me realise that I was imperfectly perfect.

He quickly became a welcomed anchor to my stormy soul. My safe place, my home, my haven and I became his rock, his carer and best friend. My love for him has embedded into my soul, it has given me vision at times were I have been so broken I've felt like I couldn't see a path, it has forced me to forgive at times where my head has almost ruled over my heart and it has guided me to a place I have always dreamed of - having our own family and home together.

Ultimately love is soothing, love is healing and love creates a haven in a devastatingly unpredictable world.

Happy Valentines Day <3

(my soundtrack of the day, a track which makes me feel the depth of love, however complicated it may become.)

'I like my grudges, I tend to them like little pets' - BigLittleLies

One of my biggest faults is that I hold on to grudges. If someone has offended me, I mean really made my blood boil, I will never ever forget what they said, when they said it, their name, their face - i'm obsessive! Sounds unhealthy right? It is! I drive myself absolutely mad. If I don't confront the person, or defend myself in some way then I have no closure, so the grudge will last a lifetime. 

There are different levels of grudges, if I truly liked the person and they happened to offend me deeply, I will usually get over it because at the end of the day I can't hate people who mean or meant something to me. But if I sense a genuinely nasty side to somebody, then that grudge has a life sentence.

What I am beginning to learn from my inability to forgive and forget is that saying nothing will ALWAYS be the better road to go down. Retaliating always leaves me feeling like a horrible person and more often than not, I end up apologising to the person who hurt me rather than the other way around. 

I'm going to tell you a little story of one particular grudge that has lasted a strong three years but instead of getting involved, I let it be and now finally, karma has played a huge role in giving me that sweet closure. I have never met this person, never even spoke to this person. But because they offended me so deeply, I basically know everything about their life now. So at the beginning of my relationship, this girl, let's call her Maggie  (Maggie the maggot)  was texting my boyfriend regularly. Now boys are stupid and in my partners eyes, this was completely innocent because they had been friends for years. So who was I to come in between them? But oh boy oh boy, I then found out, about 10 months down the line that their history involved having a sexual relationship - fuck buddies for want of a better word. Not while we were seeing each other, because I know they never met up. But this was their history so their friendship instantly became disrespectful. 

I put my foot down, and told my lover boy to choose between me or his 'good friend'. It was extremely upsetting that he was so close to another woman (both emotionally and physically), it had upset me from day one before I knew their history, but I never wanted to be that girl who stopped her boyfriend from having friends - whether that be a guy or girl. For this reason, I was fully prepared to be labelled a paranoid psycho and have our relationship end there and then, but I couldn't carry on feeling so insecure in the relationship all the time because of this old fuck buddy. To my surprise (and relief) he chose me. 

Offering an ultimatum was hard because I loved him and I didn't want it to end but there is absolutely no point in being in a relationship which ruins your confidence and sense of security. 

So the next day he 'broke up' with her via text. I never saw what he put so I guess I will never know what was said but something along the lines of 'Robyn doesn't like us talking so I need to respect her feelings and end our friendship here. Sorry, bla bla'. ANY girl who has slept with a guy multiple times over a number of years who has now been told to back off because he is in a relationship should respect that and back down gracefully. I have even been told that I can't talk to a male friend before because it upset his girlfriend and there was NOTHING between us, our relationship truly was an innocent friendship. But I respected his decision and let it be. But oh no not this girl. Apparently she said enough to my partner to put him off of her as a person entirely. He had always defended her up until this point, calling her a nice person and how I would 'get along with her'. But after her reply, he spat 'she is a NASTY person and I will have NO problem never talking to her ever again.' He rarely gets angry so her words really rattled him. I can only imagine that her reply was as nasty as they come, ripping me apart piece by piece, probably with a bit of racism thrown in there (she only had looks to go by seen as she doesn't know me and in my experience that's the first physical insult thrown in a petty argument). 

She then put an angry tweet:

'Can't believe my friend of 3 years has said he can't speak to me because of his PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND, they won't last more than five minutes'. 

A lot of girls rallied around her with replies like 'she's pathetic hun' 'had that happen to me hun, what a loser, they won't last' etc etc. (Imagine having to hold back from that, MY GOD)

That tweet has haunted me for years because I HATE her. I hate her for saying that, I hate her for not being a girls girl, for not understanding the line of respect. I hate that I never said anything to her, I hate how she made me cry. I hate how she got away with it. 

But recently in light of how serious things have become between me and my partner, I thought about that tweet and laughed. Karma really sorted her out without me intervening at all. Our relationship has not only lasted  more than five minutes as she poorly predicted. We now KNOW we are spending the rest of our lives together. This year we are becoming a FAMILY. Her horrible tweet could not have been further from the truth. He is the love of my life and I am the love of his. Meanwhile, her love life has been very very very poor. Her relationships do not last more than five minutes. What she said about my relationship has acted as a curse for her own love life. 

And that ladies and gentlemen, is Karma. The law of attraction. Whatever you want to call it. I am glad I never said anything to her, I'm glad I took the high road, because it could not have worked out better for me and she managed to screw up her life on her own. So may that be a lesson to anyone who holds grudges! If you can't forgive and forget, don't worry about it but try your best not to get involved because if you're a good person, Karma has your back boo.

Clinique Beyond Perfecting 2-in-1 Foundation Review

As an acne prone gal, I always go for full coverage foundations but I hate a heavy foundation, so the search for a perfect foundation for my skin type is quite tricky.

I used to use Estee Lauder DoubleWear Foundation, but it seemed to dry out my skin and set like a clay mask - not cool. So I went on the hunt for another high end foundation replacement (cheap foundations break me out). Clinique were the ONLY counter in John Lewis to offer a tester for foundations. The other brands such as Urban Decay, Charlotte Tilbury etc just expected you to buy the foundation and deal with it. I knew I was never going to just buy a foundation without trying it because I know how sensitive my skin is. Imagine buying a £40 product only to find out that it breaks you out or gives you a rash? NO THANK YOU.

Beyond Perfecting foundation is advertised as a 2 in 1 foundation and concealer, they say you only need to use the foundation to cover blemishes or an uneven skin tone. I have to say that this is true, the coverage is amazing, I only need to use a concealer under my eyes as I like a lighter shade to brighten up that area. Clinique were actually cheaper than all those other stuck up brands, so after I got (badly) colour matched, I went off with a couple of pots (different shades) to test at home. I got about a weeks worth of foundation out of each pot! I decided to buy the colour 15 - Beige, the one they had colour matched me to, but it had a weird tone to it and I ended up having to use a concealer with it to lighten the shade slightly. Recently I found that the colour 10 Honey Wheat is more my tone (slightly orange, but much better than the beige).

Clinique Beyond Perfecting Pros and Cons

PROS:

* Amazing full coverage

* Doesn't feel heavy on the skin

*A little bit of product goes a long way

* Doesn't break me out

CONS:

* Yet to find the perfect shade (are all the colours slightly dodgy? who knows)

* The colour matching service is not great

*The foundation is difficult to set (I use MAC Prep & Prime Powder to set) , it will come off on your pillow or on somebody's T-shirt when you hug them very easily

* Is not cruelty free

See my YouTube video for a coverage reference, I show my acne scars and then I apply the foundation so you can see the difference:

Stop Seeking Acceptance From People Who Are Committed to Not Accepting You

Anyone who has ever experienced peer pressure, usually at school, will probably know what it's like to not feel accepted. Unfortunately this feeling can follow you through to adulthood. The problem isn't with you or how you are as a person, it's because you've let yourself be defined by how other people treat you. I personally struggled with feeling accepted throughout school. Girls are the worst, they can decide to not like you for absolutely no reason. I constantly felt bad about myself because I wasn't getting invited to the parties my friends were going to and sometimes even my own friends would leave me out, like I had become an unpopular choice for absolutely no reason. Maintaining friendships through school was hell, absolute hell but it also taught me so much.

There comes a point, after about the 10th party or friend group gathering you're not invited to where you have to think - I don't care. It's emotionally exhausting to constantly fight for a friendship, to constantly act how you think they want you to act - Super friendly even when they've offended you, always starting the conversation first, inviting them out to places with you (which they're often too busy to go to anyway). You have to realise that these people are not your friends if they're making you feel rejected and left out. After years of desperately trying to fit in I thought 'OK, I can either carry on and feel heartbroken every time i'm left out of another gathering or party, or I can stop trying and see things for how they are.'  The moment I stopped trying to fit in, stopped texting them first, stopped inviting them to hang out with me I felt free. There was a point where I felt lonely and friendless, but I met new people who were on my wavelength, who taught me what a friendship should feel like - it shouldn't be hard work!

So when I now encounter people with the same attitude as the mean girls at school, I put on my emotional coats of armour. I'm polite, I'm friendly but I don't force a friendship. My friends are on my wave length, my friends message me first as much as I message them, my friends suggest meeting up instead of me always asking. That's what a healthy friendship is. Unfortunately I still see people trapped in this vicious cycle of needing to be accepted by toxic people. It's so not worth it! You are a lovable person, and you do not deserve to feel rejected. Focus on the people who make you feel good about yourself, who remind you of all your good traits and leave the others behind. Be mature, be friendly, be polite, but keep those toxic 'friends' at arms length. For the sake of your own happiness.

I found the following article very empowering, so if you are struggling with a toxic friendship take a read of this: The Huffington Post

Also check out my YouTube video where I talk about my struggles during school which lasted from about age 13- 18!

Close both eyes, to see with the other one.

I never thought I'd be writing a post like this. Because there was a time when believing in the paranormal got you labelled as a crazy person. People do not like what they can not explain so they joke about it and dismiss the idea. But so many people have experienced the paranormal, so much so that the whole idea is accepted these days. I definitely have witnessed a spiritual shift in the past few years. People are openly talking about visiting mediums like it's as normal as getting your nails done. Meditation is also now incredibly normal and encouraged where as a few years ago, people mocked the idea. 

I have grown up believing in the afterlife and believing in ghosts. Mainly because I was brought up in a spiritualist family. It's not a separate religion, it's just a different version of Christianity I suppose. A lot of mediums class themselves as Spiritualist Christians. I personally describe myself as a little bit Atheist and a little bit Christian but definitely a spiritualist. I believe in a heaven and an afterlife but I do not believe in the stories of Jesus or the bible. I believe that when we die we go to a place of peace, where we get to see our loved ones again. Where only our souls exist. I also believe in re-incarnation as do a lot of spiritualists. They say we experiences multiple lives to learn different lessons and if we fail to learn, we repeat a similar life again. There are actually a lot of documentaries on proof that re-incarnation exists, the whole idea fascinates me and it's something I've explored personally too. But i'm going to save that subject for a separate blog post and video. I just wanted to give you a brief explanation of my beliefs.

So growing up I would randomly see people standing around me for a flicker of a second. Sometimes it would be someone in the hallway, another time it was somebody watching me play with my dog in the garden. I would see them out of the corner of my eye, go to look at them but they wouldn't be there. But what was weird, was that I could describe their appearance and the expression on their face in so much detail. From their hair colour to the items of clothing they were wearing. One particular spirit, the one who was watching me play with my dog, I believe was my great grandfather. He was wearing clothing from the 1940s/50s and when I described his appearance to my mum, she said it sounded like her Grandfather. I never felt scared when I saw these random people. I instinctively knew they weren't evil, more like passers by who were not used to being seen. Later I developed the ability to hear ghosts. I was a teenager by this point. I begun hearing voices which sounded like two or more people having a conversation but I couldn't hear what they were saying, they were quiet and muffled, like i'd tuned into a radio station with a poor signal. But later I went on to hear voices which I mistook to be real (physical) people. Not by choice, none of my experiences were through deliberately trying to connect. 

Usually if you are open to experiencing the paranormal, you often have a very good sense of intuition. I have always had an uncanny way of predicting the future. Sadly in a negative way, I can always sense when something is going to go wrong or if something is already wrong. So many times I've asked people to double check their plans because I've had a feeling that something had changed and I would always turn out to be right. I believe that my intuition is often spiritual, like somebody is telling me what's really going on. I've even caught out liars because I've been told what to say to them to get them to crack. It's absolutely insane, I love it. It feels like I always have somebody looking out for me. I do try to deliberately connect with loved ones, or my spirit guide but I've never been able to get to that level mediums achieve. I just get the odd message or a sign through meditation and dreams. 

I have storytime videos up on my Youtube channel which explains my most surreal paranormal experiences. So take a look and feel free to get in touch. Have you experienced similar things to me? What are your beliefs?

>See my paranormal playlist here<

My balayage journey *Que dramatic music*

Let's talk balayage! NOT dip dye or even Ombre! In my many years of trying to achieve the perfect balayage (7 years to be exact) I have come to realise that Balayage, Ombre and Dip dye all mean different things to different hairdressers.

I have always wanted that sun kissed, beachy look by turning my naturally black hair blonde, in a natural looking way. It sounds impossible but it's not. So many girls on Instagram have the exact look i'm after, and 9/10 of them are asian or naturally have black hair. Balayage is an art, especially when you can make naturally black hair look sun kissed blonde. Unfortunately all of these girls I draw inspiration from are either in America or Austrailia - the countries I soon discovered, are where the balayage gods reside.

Here in the UK if you ask for a balyage like this:

You get this:

Both styles are lovely don't get me wrong! But I can not express to people enough what a difference those tiny pieces of highlighted hair which fade up to the root make! Hair which is only dyed at the bottom will always look like a colour that's growing out, it will always look like a dip dye. Some people want that look but when I ask for a balayage, I want that sun kissed highlighted natural graduation! Not an ombre or a dip dye, but unfortunately I find that the UK hair scene is so behind on the whole balayage trend. I don't know why! it frustrates the hell out of me.

But alas, I am writing this review to tell you all about the little gem of a hairdresser I discovered in Essex. Daisy - the balayage sorceress with techniques to match the hair gods of Australia & America. Daisy owns a hair salon in the Southend/ Leigh on Sea area which is called Balayage Boutique! - the name says it all. I have had daisy dye my hair a few times and every time she listens to my hair dreams and she tells me what's realistic. I described the exact situation I have just explained and she immediately knew what I meant and what I wanted. I was beginning to think that balayage was a really difficult process which would cost hundreds because I just couldn't find a hairdresser who would give me those blended highlights & an Ombre AKA Balayage. But Daisy made it sound super easy, she just said 'Oh yeah I know what you mean, you want free hand highlights and an Ombre' I blinked in suprise, she made it sound so easy! YES Daisy that is exactly what I want!

My dreams of looking like a Californian beach babe were back on! Daisy was super reasonable in price and cost me a fraction of what local salons were charging for a 'balayage'. We bleached and toned my hair around 3 times, in the space of 6 months. Because I had dyed my hair back to black so many times, the colour was stubborn. But here are my results (excuse my messy hair - it knots within seconds which is why I've always thought the beach babe look would suit me haha) :

& here's a neater photo, my hair was cut and styled by my other favourite hairdresser @mobile_hairgf

I didn't want a clear line of thats your natural colour and that's bleach on the ends! I also didn't want a  'oh i see you've tried ombre'ing your hair but have just bleached your entire head except for the very roots' look. Sorry if i'm sounding like a sassy bitch but this hair rant has been a long time coming (7 years *echos out*). Daisy did a fabulous job of making sure my hair had the perfect blend of bleach and natural colour. I love how there are still dark bits poking through, it definitely creates a sun kissed illusion by making it seem only the parts the sun would touch are lightened. Thanks to Daisy i'm one step closer to being this girl:

I just need the beach and care free mind to follow :)

Follow Daisy on Instagram: @hairbalayard
She also runs a balayage school for hairdressers looking to master the technique
https://www.balayageschool.co.uk/

Her salon is based in Southend/ Leigh - Essex and specialises in freehand colouring. A bonding hair treatment is included in all hair packages which helps strengthen and moisturise the hair which is really important after you bleach the hair - especially for us brunettes. I can not recommend her enough. So if you're looking to transform your look - check her out!

Thank you for reading, and I hope I haven't offended too many of you. Until next time..... rant over.

- Robyn x

Feeling Down?

It's impossible to be happy all day everyday. When you look on social media and see how perfect other peoples lives look with captions like 'I love my life' or 'I'm so happy' it's easy to think wow, I wish I loved my life as much as they do theirs. But it's not real! Of course they have down days too!

I'm learning to fake it until I make it in life, and that includes being happy. When I hate how I look or feel fat, I put make up on and clothes which compliment my body. I pretend I feel fabulous, I put on my sasha fierce alter ego and honestly it's the best feeling in the world. Sometimes I think, hey why I don't I make this much effort all the time? I feel so much better when I put time into my appearance. That's the first thing. But it doesn't help the anxious butterflies I get in my tummy, or the sadness I feel I can't escape from. 

That's when I find a focus. My focus is my business, Photography & all things social media. I take some selfies for my blogging instagram, I think of new video ideas, I listen to inspiring music and I lose myself in Photoshop! My business is my hobby as well as my income. If you work a 9-5, find a hobby! I can not stress this enough, finding something which takes you away from the world and your everyday troubles is the best therapy. Do something positive which helps you or other people? Volunteer? Go for more walks? Take up photography by using your phone? Find something which opens your mind and gives you purpose.

As long as you feel you have a purpose, nothing or nobody can destroy you. Nobody can leave you feeling helpless. Find your own source of happiness, do not rely on other people to fulfil your life because this leaves you vulnerable (I still struggle with this!)

When you're at your lowest and you feel lost or depressed, you only have yourself. You have to pick yourself up and give your life meaning.

I always feel inspired to write these 'life talk' posts when I feel down or upset because it's like giving myself a pep talk! It reminds me that i'm not as weak as I feel. I have a purpose and the means to make myself happy and so do you.

Make Up Monday: Beauty and The Beast, Belle's Make-up look

Seen as the new Beauty and the Beast is around the corner, I thought I would talk about Belle's make up and recommend a couple of products for creating this look.

Belle, although french in the original Disney movie, has the look of an English Rose. An English rose, to me, appears natural but rosey and glowing! Here's a run down on how to achieve an English Rose make up look:

1. Use a light base -  A BB cream or a light foundation (I recommend No7)

2. Conceal under the eyes with a concealer lighter than your skin tone (I recommend Mabelline Age Rewind Concealer)

3. For the eyes, use a beige or brown close to your skin tone on the eyelid and a darker brown to cut your crease. Use a pencil liner as you don't want anything too striking or bold and line your top lash line lightly. Use a lengthening mascara and corner lashes for a Disney Princess effect. Keep your lower lash line bare as this creates a wide eyed effect. Or if you feel you need the balance, apply a soft brown shadow on the bottom lash line with a brush of mascara.

4. Lightly contour the cheeks and tap a bit of pink blusher on the apples of the cheeks. ( I recommend NYX, darker skin tones go for a peachy tone, lighter skin tones go for a light pink)

5. Use a highlighter to highlight your cheekbones! (I recommend MAC Soft and Gentle)

6. The brows need to remain natural looking and bushy for an innocent look. Use a powder slightly lighter than your natural brow colour (if your brows are black or dark brown) and fill in the gaps without drawing a completely new shape. ( I recommend Barry M's Eyebrow kit)

7. And of course, apply red lip stick to the lips. (I recommend Gerard cosmetics)

Although my skin tone is darker than your average English Rose, I tend to use this make up look a lot as it's a neutral pretty look.

My favourite products for creating this look on me are: 

- Gerard Cosmetics - Red Lipstick in Fire Engine

- NYX Showgirl Eyeshadow, which is a warm orange colour so it's good to blend this with your browns if they appear too dark.

Thanks for reading! As always, let me know if you have any questions!

If you would like to see a make-up tutorial, have a look at my video below :)

Read this if you think Valentines Day is a con

I can not stand it when people turn their nose up at valentines day. What is there to hate about the day? No one is forcing you to book an over priced meal or buy elaborate gifts. The day is not about spending out on material things, it's about romance. The world is full of so much evil and darkness, why ignore a day which promotes spreading love?

'Romance: a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.' - Dictionary

I am such a romantic. Even when I was single and had pretty much accepted that I would live out the rest of my days as a spinster, I still thought the idea of valentines day was lovely. I loved seeing old fashioned romance advertised and promoted across the world. I loved that people put the extra effort in to make their partner feel special and appreciated. I know they say every day should feel like valentines day in a relationship, but unfortunately it's unrealistic to be romantic 24/7. Life gets in the way! There are a list of priorities that come before a candle lit dinner. So valentines day acts as a designated day where you as a couple both put the effort in to being loving, generous and thoughtful. It's a day where you both click pause on the world and focus on each other.

I do think women care about romance more than men. It comes from a part of us that remains innocent and vulnerable. We want to experience the love our childhood princess's felt in the videos we used to watch. We want to feel special, loved and appreciated. There is something so heart warming about seeing a man doing something incredibly thoughtful for the woman he loves. It shows a vulnerability. He wants to please the woman he loves, and he has taken the time and effort to think of a way that would touch her heart, and that to me, means the world.

'Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of every day life in to a golden haze'

A romantic gesture does not have to be extravagant or expensive. Pick your girlfriend up her favourite sweets to put a smile on her face? Or some pretty flowers (or even a plant!)? Make her something if you are an artist or DIY savvy? Make her dinner and pamper her for an evening? It's not about the 100 red roses or a designer bag, I mean that's lovely if you can afford it but it's the little things that count. Often it's more about the heart felt words hand written in a card or the touching photo collage of your relationship so far that mean everything to a partner. But with all that said, why shouldn't girls do something for their boyfriend too? A lot of boyfriends look after their girlfriends every day. They buy the dinners, they treat them to the cinema. Perhaps it's the girlfriends time to show their appreciation? Valentines is about showing that you both love and appreciate one another.
So follow your hearts and enjoy a day full of love and happiness  xxx

Make up Monday: Look tanned in the Winter!

Most of us want that bronze 'just been on holiday' glow, but anyone who lives in the UK will know the struggle. Our summer is so unreliable, it's pretty hard to get a chance to sun bathe!
Some of you may be thinking, 'hey, aren't you naturally tanned?' I am mixed race after all! But my skin tone in the Winter is quite wishy washy. Without my much needed vitamin D, my skin turns green... yes green. I can only think it's because medium skin tones often have yellow undertones, so in the winter I do actually resemble an olive.
I always thought self tanner was only for pale skin tones. I'd feel silly putting fake tan on so I never did. Instead I just flaunted my green legs while my friends looked lovely and bronze.
But that all changed when my mum came home with a body lotion with self tanner in it. I'd always known about these, but once again I just assumed brown/ green people couldn't use products designed for paler skin tones. My mum raved about this tanning body cream and told me to give it a go, so with nothing to lose,  I did. The moisturiser gave me a subtle bronze glow after a few days of use which made me look like i'd been out in the sun. I looked like a healthy brown girl again! Goodbye olive legs!

I went out and bought my own self tanning moisturiser and discovered that Dove had designed the lotion for different skin tones (fair to medium & medium to dark skin), my mum had got the fair - medium version, so I decided to pick up the medium-dark. The darker version worked better with my skin tone, giving me a deeper tan. Because it is a slower way of tanning (it takes a few days to see any difference), there are no streaks! and the colour is build-able. By slowly building up your tan, you skip the whole 'oh crap, i'm orange' stage, because you can slowly see how the tan is working with your skin tone so you can stop at any point.

If you're scared about buying a self tanner that develops overnight and you're against sun beds (like I am), try using 'Dove Derma Spa Summer Revived' It's sold almost everywhere (Boots, Tesco etc) and is currently on offer at Tesco! (Was £5 now £3.50)

If you're not much of a reader, try watching my Youtube review!

-Robyn x

Theatrical Thursdays: Vikings

When my boyfriend told me to watch a TV show called 'Vikings' a couple of years ago, my initial reaction was 'oh, erm.. no thank you.' that era was boring to me. I've come to realise that history in general is boring to me unless it's told in a story like form. I watched the Tudors and The White Queen and suddenly found myself researching the royal line, connecting the dots and educating myself on the ruling history of the United Kingdom. The exact same thing happened when I watched the Vikings!

First of all it's shot in such an epic cinematic way and directed by the same man (Michael Hirst) who directed The Tudors! The soundtrack is by none other than Hollywood's best, Hans Zimmer (composer for Inception, Interstellar, Pirates of the Caribbean & more). They also use a band from Norway called Warduna who's music is based on Nordic Spiritulism, there's a lot of chant like singing and repetitive drums in their music which brings a tribal element to the scenes. So the budget must have been pretty big and it shows.
The show is supposed to be set in Norway but is actually filmed in Ireland. Thanks to the way the colours are edited, the setting is believable. It has a cold and eerie feel, just as you would expect rural Scandanavia to look.

Ragnar Lothbrook and Lagertha

Let's talk costumes! What comes to mind when you think of the vikings? Funny metal hats and big fur capes? (probably not the correct term). Well this show has vamped up the interpretation of a Viking. Although the shows costumes are 'historically incorrect', they look so much cooler! The Vikings are portrayed as savages, a little rough and caveman like next to the sophisticated (but weak) French and English people. They wear leather armour rather than chain mail and although they wear those fur capes, you can see they are wolf skin pelts sewn together which is sightly horrific but authentic. The styling is amazing. I just find the whole re-invention of the viking's portrayal fascinating! Both men and women wear their hair plaited in different forms. The men often shave the sides of their heads leaving only the top part of their hair long and in a plait (a bit like a horse's tail). They're big on tattoos too, they look tribal and dirty which makes them appear scary, and scary is what they were! They did invade the UK, killing thousands of innocent people after all.

The story line focuses on a real viking legend - Ragnar Lothbrook. The story of Ragnar was told by old norse poets so the story line isn't a modern creation. The old tale of Ragnar and his sons is brought to life in a sympathetic and personal way. Ragnar wants nothing more than to broaden his horizons. He wants to find more land, raid more countries and venture in to the unknown. The Vikings are pagan and their lives are dictated by their Gods. They rely on signs in the form of dreams and visions, they even have a strange oracle who relays messages to them directly from the Gods.
If they feel the Gods are on their side, they take chances without hesitation. They live their lives to please their Gods, so when they die, they enter their heaven (Valhalla) without fear. Religion plays a big role in the show, especially when they encounter the English who are devoutly Christian.

All in all the show is epic, original and educational. It really opens your mind up to exploring history. It's an underrated show which should be on par with Game of Thrones, so my advice to you is to check it out! You do have to get through a few episodes to get a feel for the show, but once you get past that initial barrier, you will become as obsessed as I am!

Find seasons 1-4 on Amazon TV!

- Robyn x

Fashion Fridays: Comfy is cool!

Love or hate the Kardashian/ Jenner crew, you have to admit they do look good! I'm particularly inspired my Kylie Jenner's fashion sense because she has nailed the whole 'curvy and I know it' look.

Curves are cool and I think the Kardashians and Kylie have played a big part in making curves a trend. Most of us girls now go to the gym not to slim down, but to build butts! We want that hourglass look because it's sexy and womanly but also empowering and strong! So if you're putting the effort in to buildings curves, you want to wear clothes that show off your hard work right? Now there's a fine line between looking confident and looking cheap but  90% of the time Kylie Jenner gets curvy fashion right. That's why I look to her for fashion inspiration, as well as her sisters Khloe and Kim Kardashian.

I thought the legging trend had died out, I used to have a whole draw full of leggings and long tops but to my dismay I threw them all out or used them for painting attire because they just weren't socially acceptable anymore but recently, Kylie Jenner seems to be wearing leggings ALOT.  Sometimes inappropriately (camel toe) but most of the time she pulls them off in a sport luxe kind of way. Now this is great for us, because leggings are stretchy, comfy and soft so they are perfect for day to day casual wear, especially on those days where you feel a little bloated and can't face doing up the button on your jeans.

To pull of 2016/17 style leggings you need to find a pair that are high waisted, and then pair them with a crop top. Crop top and leggings? fashion crime?! Not anymore! Gone are the days of wearing long tops to cover up your 'kind of see through' leggings. You need to find a thick pair so you are able to wear them like trousers. 

I went on a mission to fill my draw up with cool leggings and I achieved! High street stores have caught on to the sport luxe trend so places like New Look have stocked up on leggings and sporty attire in different varietys because we no longer just wear that stuff to workout. 

I found a thick pair of fleece lined, high waisted leggings and they are the comfiest things i have ever put on. I actually had to say 'these are delightful' to myself in the mirror when I tried them on in store (does anyone else do that?)

Because they were lined, they were thicker than usual leggings so they looked like trousers which meant I could get away with wearing shorter tops and not risk flashing my underwear or developing a camel toe (TMI)! They were so comfy I had to buy two pairs! They were around £10 each which is a bit pricey for leggings, but these are not normal leggings! 

I then went on a mission to find cool band T's that I could wear cropped or semi long because I LOVE that look! I'm so happy that the whole indie/rock chic look is back in fashion because once again, it's a comfy trend and I love the edgy twist. I found that most online boutiques stocked graphic/ band T's, but my favourite was from Lasula.co.uk.

Top: Lasula
Leggings: New Look

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wear this outfit to lunch, it's more of a lounge wear look which is acceptable to wear for errands too (well that's just my opinion).

Follow me on Instagram for daily updates and inspiration & subscribe to my Youtube for reviews/ story times and more random stuff!

Thanks for reading :) x

'Your love is most generous, where it is most hurtful'

Can you be friends with your ex without it affecting a new relationship? Honestly I don't think you can. Because what you had with that person will echo in your current relationship. Memories you shared will linger around you like a ghost. Innocent relationships you maintain will cast a shadow over the new ones you should be building. Your new partner is supposed to feel special, like the only person you will ever love. But how can they ever feel special when they are reminded that you have already experienced that love with somebody else? If you are truly ready to commit to a new relationship, then you need to sacrifice old romances. It's nice if you can be friends with your ex, but that's what they are, an ex. History.  A historical present doesn't exist, it's an oxymoron. The two words contradict each other.

'I loved her, I can't just forget that. Of course I will always be there for her.' 

Some may argue that there isn't any romance left in the old relationship, that they truly are just a friend. But as a girl (yes we are dramatic, Que Cian and Emily), I can't help but think you've been intimate with this person, you've loved this person, there was a time when you thought you may be together forever. You had experiences with this person that will stay with you both forever. You can't just forget that you loved someone. And now they're your friend? somebody you will always be there for? There has to be a certain amount of love left to still feel that endeared. Who comes first if your ex suddenly needs you? who's feelings do you sacrifice? It's a cruel kindness you're inflicting. Yes you're being a nice person because you're not holding on to any grudges, you still support this person, you're being kind. But you're also being cruel to your new love by reminding them that they're not special and that your loyalty is scattered. You've already experienced a love that you thought would be unbreakable, and that past love is still in your life.

'Your love is most generous where it is most hurtful'

If you truly are ready to commit to a new relationship, if you love them, then you owe them a clean slate. A world where your love is unique and irreplaceable. Not a love second to the one you had before. Your ex shouldn't be plastered all over your phone, it's OK to let them sit on your social media, but as an inactive contact. Don't message each other or like each others photos. Delete their number without your new partner having to ask. In the words of Elsa, LET IT GO. Why do you need to hang on to an old relationship, especially if it hurts your new partner? If you don't share children, there really is no excuse. If you find it hard to let go then you need to step back and figure out how you truly feel. Maybe there is unfinished business, and if so, do not lead somebody else on.

Maybe I am too loyal and empathetic or black and white and closed minded but I can't see a new love thriving when an old love is still casting a shadow.

Let me know what you think? Give me a new insight in the comments below :)

Dyson Supersonic Review

So recently I've been using the brand new and swanky Dyson Supersonic hair dryer!

Is it worth £299? Maybe...

I found it to be kinder to my hair as it didn't feel as hot as my usual go to Parlux hair dryer.

Watch my YouTube video for a full review:

The TRUTH behind a popular TV Talent Show

Ok so a year or two a go, I supported an act who got scouted for a popular TV talent show. Yes that's right I said scouted. They didn't particularly want to audition, which made the experience so much more frustrating.

Watch and find out what happened!

MAC Highlighter review

I'm giving that YouTube thing another go!

I personally love listening to reviews and getting to know a product before I buy it. I'm currently obsessed with highlighters (aren't we all) , so I thought I'd review a high end highlighter vs a high street brand. Is there really a difference when it comes to quality?

Watch and find out! :)

'Forgiving you is a gift to you, moving on is my gift to myself'

I've been going through such a change lately. There's nothing physically or materially different but I feel like i'm going through a spiritual cleanse. I don't know if it's a quarter life crisis or if it's a healthy progression, preparing me for my next lesson or journey.

The word change fills me with fear. Change is different, change is the unknown. I have always struggled to venture outside of my comfort zone because I've never wanted to sacrifice what I already have. But life is made up of changes, good and bad and sometimes you have no say in the matter.

I recently witnessed a betrayal which had an eye opening ripple effect. Their disloyalty was carefully shrouded in denial and secrecy in attempts to cure their guilty conscience . They span a false tale of innocence, disregarding their actions and their victim's feelings entirely. They began to believe their own lie, and so did the people around them. The victim was understandably left feeling deceived and lost. First came grief, then came anger but then arrived liberty. Like a phoenix who dies before they are reborn, the victim reinvented themselves from the ashes of  destruction. They started to remember their dreams and ambitions and truly began to feel at one with themselves.

They reminded me that sometimes a change is needed in order to complete your own life path. Sometimes, without even realising it, you outgrow people and situations which end up holding you back. If you grow too comfortable doing the wrong thing, something will happen to force a change. 

Everything happens for a reason, it's hard, but in order to move on from a tough situation, you need to focus on the positive.

Recently I've cut people out of my life, people i thought would be around forever, but not because I didn't want them there, it was because I realised that we just wasn't on the same level anymore. Things were different, we had different morals and views .
'Treat other how you wish to be treated yourself' is a healthy baseline for a friendship or relationship. But recently I was hurt by people I thought I could trust, it was a nastiness that brought me right back to the school playground, a young mentality I've desperately tried to move on from. I felt upset, angry and anxious of what will become of us or how I could overcome the situation until I realised that it didn't have to be this way, I didn't have to make excuses for them or fix anything, I didn't have to feel like I was 16 again desperate to keep my friends. So I closed that book and decided to let those people continue with their self destructive behaviour because I do believe that what goes around comes around.

Breaking up from any relationship is hard, but we all have to make a healthy decision. If this person causes you grief, or makes you feel bad in any way, then you need to assess if this person is a positive energy or negative energy in your life. Don't let people manipulate you! Quite often when somebody hurts you, but doesn't want to admit to it, they become defensive and will turn it around to make you feel like you're the one in the wrong which causes you to question yourself, let them back in and begin a destructive cycle. We can't live positive lives surrounded by negativity.
Hold on to your family and friends who have always shown you love and loyalty, but don't make excuses for those who have hurt you or the people around you.

xx

99 Questions

So I found this question tag on somebody else's blog, I love answering random Q's so I thought I'd steal it.

Take a read!

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed, I used to be a bit OCD about it and think I'd see a face within the darkness of the wardrobe if I left it open.... Yeah, my crazy imagination has never really subsided.

2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?

Not the shampoo & conditioner because my fro needs a precise brand to keep it in check, but I do take the lotion/ shower gel.

3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

Tucked out! I kick them up in the air and everything until i'm all twisted up in an imperfectly comfortable way.

4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

Why would anyone steal a street sign?! 

5:Do you like to use post-it notes?

Not really, I use any scrap of paper.

6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

I haven't reached that stage of life yet, but i'm sure it's coming.

7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

Violent! , I'd say bees because you wouldn't have time to really panic, you'd just die of an allergic reaction before you knew it, where as with a bear you would see it coming, every second would feel like an eternity while you wait for your inevitable death, or worse, you'd be maimed for life. Just being realistic. I would make the best Emo,

8:Do you have freckles?

A few on my nose.

9:Do you always smile for pictures?

A smile has a 50/50 chance of coming out nice. The trick is to be happy but not too happy, we don't want that top lip disappearing! lol To be honest, whatever I do usually resembles an awkward nerd look. Unless i'm home alone doing a selfie shoot, then I nail it.

10:What is your biggest pet peeve?

Unhygienic people, greasy, smelly hair really annoys me, it really isn't hard to wash your hair! even if you don't have time to dry it and have to walk out the house with wet hair, at least its clean.

11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

Sometimes I do when i'm walking up my road towards my house, don't ask me why.

12:Have you ever peed in the woods?

I think most people have! I definitely have lol

13:What about pooped in the woods?

Hellllllllll no  

14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

No, i'm too stiff for that. hahaha

15:Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Nope

16:How many people have you slept with this week?

Huh

17:What size is your bed?

standard double

18:What is your Song of the week?

Selena Gomez - Good for You

19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Yeah! It looks amazing against olive skin tones & muscly arms <3.

20:Do you still watch cartoons?

I've gone back on the kids channels to reminisce but sadly all the cartoons I used to watch are dead and gone.

21:Whats your least favorite movie?

ALL HORROR MOVIES

22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

23:What do you drink with dinner?

Water or Wine, depends if i'm feeling fancy.

24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Tomato sauce DUH!

25:What is your favorite food?

What isn't my favourite food?

26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Harry Potter, Twilight, SUperbad, 21 & 22 Jump Street, Memoirs of a Geisha, Pirates of the Caribbean, Blood Diamond.

27:Last person you kissed/kissed you?

My BF <3

28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Nooooooo, too much social interaction for me.

29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?

Who knows?! As a photographer, I can respect nude shoots, it isn't as black and white as everyone makes it out to be. So maybe I would.

30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Aww probably when I was around 10/11 and my best friend Lottie lived in Spain, we used to write letters to each other! How cute.

31:Can you change the oil on a car?

Nope :/

32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

I don't drive yet..

33:Ever ran out of gas?

Too organised for that.

34:Favorite kind of sandwich?

I don't really eat sandwhiches :(

35:Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Beans on toast!

36:What is your usual bedtime?

Usually midnight

37:Are you lazy?

Kind of....

38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

I'm quietly theatrical, when I dress up, I dress UP! I want authentic everything, I will not settle for the norm. 

One year, I wanted to go as a death eater from Harry Potter so I made a dramatic cloak from scratch with my Nan (who was my hero!) and even combined multiple sheer materials so as I walked, the bottom would delicately float in the wind to make me look like I was hovering. People even commented on how cool it was, I was quietly very proud :')

39:What is your Chinese astrological sign?

A monkey I think

40:How many languages can you speak?

none, well a little bit of English. (oh the sarcasm)

41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

Not anymore, the internet has taken over.

42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Huh

43:Are you stubborn?

Yes and No

44:Who is better...Leno or Letterman?

Ok, this is American isnt it?

45:Ever watch soap operas?

No.

46:Are you afraid of heights?

I've never listed it as a phobia but I think I am. 

47:Do you sing in the car?

No, i'd rather zone out and people watch

48:Do you sing in the shower?

Not really.

49:Do you dance in the car?

-_- no

50:Ever used a gun?

Yes. A water gun

51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

I take professional photos of myself about once every 6 months or something, Love it!

52:Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Some are, some aren't

53:Is Christmas stressful?

Not for me, not yet. I love Christmas!

54:Ever eat a pierogi?

A what? A Pigeon?

55:Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple

56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

A pop star, a Hogwarts student, vampire, oh and a witch.

57:Do you believe in ghosts?

110% Yes!

58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Yea

59:Take a vitamin daily?

Not really

60:Wear slippers?

Sometimes

61:Wear a bath robe?

When I work from home, I class a dressing gown as work wear.

62:What do you wear to bed?

A T shirt 

63:First concert?

I've never been to a concert, how weird is that? I've never really wanted to until now.

64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

HMMM

65:Nike or Adidas?

Both?

66:Cheetos Or Fritos?

MER

67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

peanuts

68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

no

69:Ever take dance lessons?

Yeh! Until I was 10

70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

I've always just said a businessman (love a man in a suit), I want sophistication. Somebody who's in control and supportive.

71:Can you curl your tongue?

I suppose.

72:Ever won a spelling bee?

We didn't have spelling bees. I was a pretty good speller though, but not anymore. RIP my inner clever child.

73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Yeh! Usually from rescue stories I see on facebook, or at really good movies.

74:Own any record albums?

No

75:Own a record player?

I actually used to!

76:Regularly burn incense?

Every day

77:Ever been in love?

I love very easily but I don't admit it

78:Who would you like to see in concert?

Lana Del Rey, Beyonce, Nicki Minaj maybe & Chris Brown. But I also wanna see movie composers like Hans Zimmer, Thomas Newman &  Alexandre Desplat,

79:What was the last concert you saw?

Never been to one

80:Hot tea or cold tea?

Hot tea

81:Tea or coffee?

Both

82:Sugar or snickerdoodles?

What

83:Can you swim well?

Not to boast or anything, but I am actually a mermaid.

84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Ofcourse

85:Are you patient?

Not at all

86:DJ or band, at a wedding?

DJ

87:Ever won a contest?

Yeh! I was a regular first prize colouring competition winner at primary school, had major skills.

88:Ever have plastic surgery?

Nope

89:Which are better black or green olives?

Green

90:Can you knit or crochet?

I used to be able to knit

91:Best room for a fireplace?

Lounge

92:Do you want to get married?

Definitely!

93:If married, how long have you been married?

Not Applicable :')

94:Who was your HS crush?

Even now, I would never admit who I fancied at school. I usually fancied the boys every other girl fancied. Very Cliche.

95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

Sometimes I have to lock myself away and break down if I know I have no reason to be as annoyed as I am but I still can't put a handle on my emotions. lol

96:Do you have kids?

No

97:Do you want kids?

Definitely

98:Whats your favorite color?

I love all pastel colours

99:Do you miss anyone right now?

I'll always miss my Nan :(