One of my biggest faults is that I hold on to grudges. If someone has offended me, I mean really made my blood boil, I will never ever forget what they said, when they said it, their name, their face - i'm obsessive! Sounds unhealthy right? It is! I drive myself absolutely mad. If I don't confront the person, or defend myself in some way then I have no closure, so the grudge will last a lifetime.
There are different levels of grudges, if I truly liked the person and they happened to offend me deeply, I will usually get over it because at the end of the day I can't hate people who mean or meant something to me. But if I sense a genuinely nasty side to somebody, then that grudge has a life sentence.
What I am beginning to learn from my inability to forgive and forget is that saying nothing will ALWAYS be the better road to go down. Retaliating always leaves me feeling like a horrible person and more often than not, I end up apologising to the person who hurt me rather than the other way around.
I'm going to tell you a little story of one particular grudge that has lasted a strong three years but instead of getting involved, I let it be and now finally, karma has played a huge role in giving me that sweet closure. I have never met this person, never even spoke to this person. But because they offended me so deeply, I basically know everything about their life now. So at the beginning of my relationship, this girl, let's call her Maggie (Maggie the maggot) was texting my boyfriend regularly. Now boys are stupid and in my partners eyes, this was completely innocent because they had been friends for years. So who was I to come in between them? But oh boy oh boy, I then found out, about 10 months down the line that their history involved having a sexual relationship - fuck buddies for want of a better word. Not while we were seeing each other, because I know they never met up. But this was their history so their friendship instantly became disrespectful.
I put my foot down, and told my lover boy to choose between me or his 'good friend'. It was extremely upsetting that he was so close to another woman (both emotionally and physically), it had upset me from day one before I knew their history, but I never wanted to be that girl who stopped her boyfriend from having friends - whether that be a guy or girl. For this reason, I was fully prepared to be labelled a paranoid psycho and have our relationship end there and then, but I couldn't carry on feeling so insecure in the relationship all the time because of this old fuck buddy. To my surprise (and relief) he chose me.
Offering an ultimatum was hard because I loved him and I didn't want it to end but there is absolutely no point in being in a relationship which ruins your confidence and sense of security.
So the next day he 'broke up' with her via text. I never saw what he put so I guess I will never know what was said but something along the lines of 'Robyn doesn't like us talking so I need to respect her feelings and end our friendship here. Sorry, bla bla'. ANY girl who has slept with a guy multiple times over a number of years who has now been told to back off because he is in a relationship should respect that and back down gracefully. I have even been told that I can't talk to a male friend before because it upset his girlfriend and there was NOTHING between us, our relationship truly was an innocent friendship. But I respected his decision and let it be. But oh no not this girl. Apparently she said enough to my partner to put him off of her as a person entirely. He had always defended her up until this point, calling her a nice person and how I would 'get along with her'. But after her reply, he spat 'she is a NASTY person and I will have NO problem never talking to her ever again.' He rarely gets angry so her words really rattled him. I can only imagine that her reply was as nasty as they come, ripping me apart piece by piece, probably with a bit of racism thrown in there (she only had looks to go by seen as she doesn't know me and in my experience that's the first physical insult thrown in a petty argument).
She then put an angry tweet:
'Can't believe my friend of 3 years has said he can't speak to me because of his PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND, they won't last more than five minutes'.
A lot of girls rallied around her with replies like 'she's pathetic hun' 'had that happen to me hun, what a loser, they won't last' etc etc. (Imagine having to hold back from that, MY GOD)
That tweet has haunted me for years because I HATE her. I hate her for saying that, I hate her for not being a girls girl, for not understanding the line of respect. I hate that I never said anything to her, I hate how she made me cry. I hate how she got away with it.
But recently in light of how serious things have become between me and my partner, I thought about that tweet and laughed. Karma really sorted her out without me intervening at all. Our relationship has not only lasted more than five minutes as she poorly predicted. We now KNOW we are spending the rest of our lives together. This year we are becoming a FAMILY. Her horrible tweet could not have been further from the truth. He is the love of my life and I am the love of his. Meanwhile, her love life has been very very very poor. Her relationships do not last more than five minutes. What she said about my relationship has acted as a curse for her own love life.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is Karma. The law of attraction. Whatever you want to call it. I am glad I never said anything to her, I'm glad I took the high road, because it could not have worked out better for me and she managed to screw up her life on her own. So may that be a lesson to anyone who holds grudges! If you can't forgive and forget, don't worry about it but try your best not to get involved because if you're a good person, Karma has your back boo.
